Wednesday, April 29, 2009

bits and pieces

some info as of late...

1) Coy developed a rash yesterday and after being evaluated by the Pediatrician today...she diagnosed Measles! Good news is that he's no longer contagious and is feeling like his old self again. Bad news is that his cousin Ryder is now sick...pray for his healing!

2) Had another cervical ultrasound today. Tech said cervix still looked long, however, there was a tiny bit of shortening...3.5 to 3.2 (I think). I'll get a definite answer tomorrow morning when I see my doctor. All in all, she wasn't concerned. Praise God

3) I received two doses of steroids for Baby Sister's lungs. My doctor felt that it was best to go ahead and give them to me. At 29 weeks, I'll get another round.

4) Okay, I guess all the talk about Swine Flu was for good reason. A 22 month old passed away at Texas Children's Hospital on Monday from the virus. He was transported here from Mexico, but still, it's scary. I am praying for this family.

5) And, since there has been a confirmed fatality of Swine Flu in Houston, I am not wanting Coy to come up to the hospital. I miss him so much and haven't seen him since Saturday. Chris said he took a step on Monday night...he's growing up so fast!

6) Here is picture of Chris with Coy's sign at the March of Dimes walk on Sunday. I was so excited when he sent me this picture! Also, thanks to Aunt Mandy for all your hard work with orgainzing this year's team!

7) On Monday night, parts of Houston received a massive downpoor of rain. This is the view from my in-laws house on Tuesday morning (that is looking out from the front door). Many homes in their neighborhood flooded (although my in-laws house did not); please keep them in your prayers!
and finally...this is an old picture, but is he not the cutest thing on Earth? =)

Monday, April 27, 2009

3 weeks

Thanks to everyone praying for Coy. He is still sick with fever (101.5 today), but thankfully, acting more like himself. Although, he's not back 100%, I'm hoping it wont be too much longer. He's my heart and soul and I hate that he's not feeling good.

Tomorrow marks 3 weeks in the hospital. I have left this room 3 times, each for an hour, up one floor to the ultrasound room. My constant companion has been Mr. IV pole. I had a dream the other night that I went to Target...with my IV pole. I remember being confused about how to get my pole in the car. I mean, really, does that mean I've been here too long?

I have good days and bad days (as far as the uterine irritability/contractions go) and today has been a bad day. I've been having more contractions than normal with lots of irritability. They just drew a Mag level on me to see if the levels are therapeutic in my blood. If not, I'll be getting a bolus of Magnesium for dinner (can you sense my sarcasm?). I've been told by a nurse or two that I "pee a lot and have great kidneys." I'll trade someone a 'great' kidney for a uterus. I am not kidding.

I am 23 weeks on Wednesday, thank God! Baby Sister is kicking all the time and such an active little thing. It's so awesome to feel her movements; I'm not taking a moment for granted. If you will, please pray for me this week. It is anxiety-rearing to think what 22w6d brought with Coy's pregnancy: ruptured membranes. I am reassured knowing that God is present now, just like He was then. And, He is good, always!

P.S. Thanks to everyone who supported Team Coy financially and physically this weekend! I was moved to tears to see how many of you showed up at the walk and ordered t-shirts! We couldn't be more loved!

P.S.S. Anyone tired of the Swine Flu talk yet? I am!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Prayer Request!!

After being seen in the ER today, it was determined Coy has a viral infection. His chest xray was clear which ruled out pneumonia. He still has a high fever and is so, so sleepy. My poor baby looked like he was just not feeling good at all. My heart about ripped out of my chest when I heard he was so sick today; I felt so helpless and couldn't comfort him. Chris and Kathy (my MIL) will watch him closely tonight and alternate Motrin/Tylenol to keep his fever down. Thanks for all your continued thoughts and prayers and the calming comments. It helps me so much.

Please pray for Coy today. His fever is going up (103) and he's very lethargic. Chris is at the hospital with me now, and my MIL is on her way with Coy to bring him to the ER downstairs. I'm a mess and really need your prayers right now.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

test results and such

Good news to report...fFN is negative and cervix is unchanged!

Basically, this means that I am NOT in preterm labor and the contractions I'm having are not productive (meaning they're not doing much of anything other than making my uterus hard). The negative fFN test is highly predictive that I will NOT go into labor and have less than 1% of delivering in the next two weeks. I will be tested again at 24 weeks, and every two weeks thereafter. Peace of mind is a wonderful thing, y'all.

Many, many pregnant women have contractions throughout pregnancy which can be harmless and are called Braxton Hicks. However, with my history of delivering at 23 weeks into pregnancy, my doctor can't take a chance that my contractions are 'harmless'. As long as I'm only contracting once or twice per hour and they're not becoming more intense/more frequent, all should be okay. But then again, things can change quickly, which is why I'm being so closely monitored in the hospital. The more time I'm here (at the hospital) means the less time Baby Sister will be (in the NICU). I will do anything for her.

Thanks for all the continued love, support, and prayers! We pray that Baby Sister stays in the mommy incubator for much longer, but we trust in God's plan. Regardless, He knows best and His plans and ways are better than ours.

Coy came for another visit today. He had the biggest smile on his face when he came into my room; it was the sweetest thing I've ever seen. In the two weeks that I've been gone, he's grown and changed SO much. He looks like a little man now, I can't believe it. He took a nap while here and slept in my arms for over an hour. I could have never imagined loving something so much.

I have a few prayer requests today and would be humbled if you would lift us up to the Lord. Coy has been waking up at night with a cough for a few weeks now; his Pediatrician thinks he may have allergies (his lungs are clear), but he also has an ear infection. Please pray that his cough subsides and his ear infection clears up. Also, (this may be TMI for some) I have that watery discharge again. I'm back on antibiotics to treat it; please pray for it to go away and for me to stay free of infection.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

brighter days.

Do y'all love the new blog design? I am really excited about it! It was done by Kelly at Fabulous K! (...I love re-decorating, although my husband doesn't have the same appreciation for it...) =)

By God's grace, I have been feeling much better these past few days. The sun has been bright and my attitude has been cheery.

My schedule is basically the same each day, which helps make me feel more 'normal'. Now that I'm an 'established' patient, the nurses let me sleep in a bit. The first week I was here, they were coming in every 4 hours (even during the night!) to take my blood pressure and temperature. It was exhausting! I've said it before, but lack of sleep can really wear on me...I'm not one of those people who can survive on 4-5 hrs. My body needs at least 8 hrs or so, and that's no joke.

Between 7-8 am, I am up and ready to start the day. Pam, from dietary, greets me each morning with my breakfast (I have to say getting breakfast in bed every morning is NOT a bad thing)! I love to start the day reading from my Bible and various books by Max Lucado, Beth Moore, and Ruth Myers. It puts my head and heart focused on God, instead of the 'what ifs?' and 'how comes?' and 'why Me's?'.

Before I know it, lunch has arrived and I'm checking email, twitter, blogs, or all the above. I have to admit that eating is a struggle for me (always has been), seriously. I know that sounds crazy, but I don't have an big appetite, nor do I like much. To complicate that, my doctor recommends I get 100 grams of protein per day (that's a lot) and this hospital food is testing my strength. If I didn't have a baby to grow inside me, I think I might starve to death in here. Thank goodness for Ensure shakes and chicken tenders! =)

After lunch, the afternoon is spent reading and studying more, chatting on the phone, and watching some TV. I usually check to see what Dr. Phil and Oprah are about, although majority of the time I don't watch either.
After he gets off work, Chris arrives and stays with me every other night. It's nice to have him here with me, but I do feel guilty that we're both away from Coy (although, Coy's been so well taken care of, I don't think he's minding that much).

At 9pm, the nurse brings me Ambien (gotta love that) and it's lights out. I have been sleeping through the night, unless nature calls me to the bathroom. I'm continuously hooked up to the contraction monitor, so the nurses watch that 24/7. Even through the night, I am contracting 1-2 per hour (I sleep through it).

For those who want to know, Baby Sister does NOT have a name as of yet. Chris and I have yet to agree on something that we both love. I decided when the time is right, we'll know what her name is suppose to be. Until then, she is Baby Sister.

Tomorrow marks 22 weeks, Praise God! I will have another cervical ultrasound and a fFN test (it detects preterm labor...if the test is negative, there is a good chance you would NOT deliver in the next two weeks). Will you please pray my cervix is still long and unchanged from the previous two weeks? Please also pray the fFN test is negative and I will stay pregnant for 14 more weeks!

Thanks for all your continued prayers and love. I promise to update as soon as I know test results.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

take me out to the ballpark.

Chris's best friend and old college teammate, Paul, was in town this weekend with the Cincinnati Reds. Here are some pics of Paul & Coy before the game.

Saturday, April 18, 2009


snuggling with my baby today...

rainy days

For the past few days the Houston weather has been wet and wild. With the sun taking a vacation, the rain has been pounding the window, the lightning striking in the distance, and the thunder roaring. Usually, I don't mind a few rainy days; I actually enjoy the time to rest and stay inside. But, lately, I have been missing the sunshine; my sunshine.

Recently, like the weather, my emotions have been unpredictable and uncontrollable. Some days I am happy and encouraged, and others, I feel sad, lonely, and isolated. I've never had such mood swings in my life. I know it doesn't help having this magnesium constantly running through my veins (makes me feel groggy), or not having been outside in almost 2 weeks for fresh air. It also doesn't help that I miss my son, husband, and home like crazy.

I know being here is what is necessary (and best!) for Baby Sister, and I truly, am so thankful for it. I am grateful that I am still pregnant, for the nurturing care I am receiving, for all the love and support around me. But, I am not perfect, and don't want to pretend to be. This is hard, and I wasn't ready for it.

I do, however, find so much comfort in knowing the through the storms and turmoil in our lives, Jesus is the light of the world. I find peace in knowing that God's word is alive in me, that God is who He says He is, and can do more than I could ever imagine. I also find rest in knowing that God is here, holding me and baby girl in the palm of his hand.

Will you pray for me to be encouraged and focus on the positive? I don't like feeling uncontrollably emotional or pessimistic. I hate pity parties and complaining, it's not productive or good for the spirit.

Thanks for caring for us like you all have; for following our story and praying for us. We could never fully express how thankful we are.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

8 days ago...

...I was admitted into the hospital. Some days have flown by, and others have dragged on. But nevertheless, I am still pregnant, and so thankful!

Chris has been able to stay with me two nights this week. And, Coy is coming every other day or so. Yesterday he was so sweet and gave me lots of hugs and kisses (he even snuggled up next to me in bed and drank some juice). He is looking so mature these days; I can't believe how fast he's growing up.

I thought I was having a cervical length ultrasound today, but it is now scheduled for tomorrow. Pray that my cervix is holding strong and continues to do so! I am still contracting 1-2 per hour, and sometimes it's less frequent than that. Last night around 8pm, I had a few contractions in a row which the nurse was watching closely. She gave me some Ambien which knocked me out and stopped my 'uterine irritability.' Chris & I woke up this morning and he told me the nurse came in and gave me some Demerol around 11 pm (they can give this to me too if I start contracting a lot). I thought I had completely lost my mind because I didn't remember this at all. Turns out, Chris is the one who was out of it...he had dreamt it. I didn't get anything besides the Ambien (I was wondering why I wasn't feeling more loopy this morning)!

Thank you so much for all the encouraging emails and comments! A sweet lady emailed me yesterday to say she was in the hospital (laying flat) for 132 days while pregnant...she's my hero! I have it easy--I can get up and use the restroom & take a shower!

I have also met two other moms here...both very sweet and I'm so happy I have them to talk to. When my doctor came in yesterday, they were both in my room and he started laughing. I guess it was funny for him to see us 'high risk' women in wheelchairs chating about hospital life! =)

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

Saturday, April 11, 2009

day 4

I am finally settled in here and used to the idea of 'living' in a hospital. The worst part was adjusting to the constant IV and lugging it to the bathroom with me every 30 minutes. I now feel like an old pro and wheel it around without difficutly, however, the scary part occurs after I get to the bathroom and look in the mirror! Ahh! My doctor came in on Thursday and said, "yeah, you look like you're on Magnesium." Gee, thanks buddy! I really could have leaped from this bed and slapped him. Haha! (Not that I could care 2 cents about what I look like right now...)

I'm on 2mg Mag Sulfate with IV fluids continuously. The 4 mg was horrible, however, the 2mg isn't bothersome. I'm also being constantly monitored for contractions--usually having 1 or 2 per hour. They are not painful at all, but feel like my stomach is rock hard. The Mag Sulfate is suppose to relax the uterine muscle and keep it from tightening, but my uterus has a mind of it's own! As long as the contractions aren't causing cervical changes, we're good. I will be checked again on Monday and praying that nothing has changed from earlier this week.

I've had lots of visitors lately, which of course, I love! Chris & Coy have come almost everyday. Coy seems to turn into a 'fussy bucket' here, but I can't blame him, there's nothing for him to play with. He is eating better and doing awesome with all the great are he's getting from daddy, his Grandmas, and Aunts. I'm so thankful for that!

We are doing are best to keep fixated on the Lord and walk by faith instead of sight. We know that our God is in total and complete control. Hebrews 11:1 says, "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

Thanks for the continued support and prayers. We're truly humbled.

Friday, April 10, 2009


I now have a computer...woohoo!
Had to share these photos I had on my phone from a few weeks ago...
This is what Chris & I call the "baby chug"...

....and all done. =)

I am still hanging out at the hospital. My doctor thinks we'll be here for awhile. It has been a BIG adjustment for me. I did not have a great day yesterday; I was weary and emotional. I hadn't slept, eaten, or felt good since I was here. The stress of just being 'in a hospital' caught up to me and it was rough. On top of that, they increased the Mag for a few hours due to my increased contractions and I felt crazy.

After a shower, good meal, and uninterrupted night of sleep, I'm happy to report that I feel MUCH better today. My contractions are slow and steady and that's good news. Please pray that the contractions stop and my cervix holds strong. I know God is near and His plan will be done.

"In everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Chris Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Hello from the hospital

This will be brief since I'm currently without my computer and writing from my iPhone. Just wanted to update and let everyone things are good. I have a really nice, big room that over looks the Houston Zoo, so I'm not in a dungeon or anything. I have an IV with magnesium sulfate running (a medicine that's used to stop contractions). It is making me feel flushed, loopy, and nauseous, but other than that, I'm good. Contractions haven't stopped completely, but my doctor is monitoring me 24/7 and so far isn't concerned with what he's seeing. Hopefully, we'll be able to stop the mag in a day or two, then go to the terbutaline pump.

I just returned from an ultrasound and the tech was nice and revealed info to me (usually they won't tell you a thing and wait for the doctor to let you know). She was the same one who measured my cervical length 2 weeks ago, and today it is still long (she said "great") at 3.5cm. That you Jesus! Also, she measured all the baby's organs and all looks good. Baby sister was yawning and sucking her thumb! She is so weighing in at a whopping 12 oz, only 8 oz smaller than what her big brother was born at. Crazy.

Thanks for all the prayers and encouragement. Sorry I haven't/returned any emails in the past few days, I am hoping to get my computer in the next day or so, then will do that!

Please continue to pray thay my contractions stop, cervix stays nice and long, and I stay free of infection. I read 2 Corinthians 12:10 this morning and it spoke volumes to me: "Therefore I am well content with weakness, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

Monday, April 6, 2009

really long post

This weekend seemed to fly by until Sunday afternoon rolled around. About that time, I began to feel a few more contractions per hour than normal (usually I have one to two/ hour). I didn't fret about it, rested on my left side, took a terbutaline, drank plenty of fluids, meanwhile emptying my bladder every 30 minutes (a full bladder can cause more contractions). And, at about this same time, I began to feel a watery discharge. Not a normal pregnancy discharge, but watery. Of course, having pPROMed with Coy at 23 weeks, this threw my head into a tailspin. I didn't want to call my doctor (although he did give me his cell phone # and said to call at anytime--is that how you know your a high maintenance patient?) because there were two things he was going to say: go to the ER or wait until the morning and come in. I don't like ER's and didn't want to go there. Not unless I really knew something was wrong.

One of my prayers this pregnancy has been, Ephesians 4:27 "and do not give the devil a foothold." If I allow it, my mind can really get the best of me. I start thinking about the worst case scenario and talk myself into dying; I'm sure some of you know what that feels like. Reading scripture, praying, and giving God all my fear/anxiety is that only way to calm my mind and nerves. It's a fight, a fight with the devil, and I refuse to give him my peace.

For the past few weeks, I've felt God speaking to me: '35'. I don't know why, but I can't shake that number. It's not made up by me, because I would have flopped that to '24' or something.

Last night I didn't sleep soundly, waking up at 2am to our smoke detector beeping every minute or so (from a low battery). I also thought I heard someone walking in our living room. Poor Chris, had to get up and check around the house to make sure the Boogeyman hadn't stopped by for a visit. When awake, I felt more of the discharge, felt another contraction or two, and then started to do the mind-racing thing. That's always productive at 2am. I knew I was giving the devil a foothold, giving him a piece of my peace. And I didn't like it.

Through my negative thoughts, I kept feeling '35'. And, again, it's not from me. I wouldn't put 'pregnant' and '35' in the same sentence. Especially not in the frame of mind I was in at 2am. I even tried to dismiss it like, "Okay God, I don't know if your talking about my sister's next pregnancy or something, but you can't be telling me 35 weeks is in my future." Especially not with ruptured membranes.

Eventually, I was back asleep, only to wake up again at 430 with a full bladder, more watery discharge, and another contraction. No Boogeyman this time, but still that darn, beeping smoke detector. Dear God, please stop the discharge and silence that smoke detector, thank you. Needless to say, when I finally got in the shower this morning at 815, I was groggy.

When I arrived at my OB's office, I sat calmly and waited with a room full of other pregnant women. But after waiting quietly for 45 minutes, I wanted to scream to the receptionist, "I am so scared my water broke, what the heck is taking so long today?" Finally, it was my turn and I did the same routine that occurs every appt: pee in a cup, weight check, and blood pressure measured.

After talking to the nurse, my doctor came in a few minutes later and my nerves were up to my eyeballs. I told him I was paranoid I was leaking amniotic fluid, and having more contractions than usual. He examined me, checked me cervix, and said, "it's not fluid, it's an infection." Thank you Lord! I asked him to repeat himself, what did he just say? You mean my membranes have not ruptured? Disbelief, shock, awe, thankful. God, you are so good.

Next came the ultrasound which showed baby girl has lots of fluid to swim in. I'm not sure why my body is more susceptible to infections right now (other than the fact that I'm pregnant and my hormones are out of whack). He gave me an antibiotic and said it should take care of the infection and 'discharge'. Awesome.

Then he brought up the 'H' word again. Hospital. As in, I'm going in within the next week and staying (hopefully) for the next 2.5 months. At that point, expecting I'll still be pregnant, I'll can go home for the remainder or stay in. As he explained to me, he can't predict the future and is not God, he'd much rather be extra, extra cautious and admit me rather than wait until things take a turn for the worst and it be too late. My thoughts exactly.

My doctor said the words "get you to '28' weeks" and I'll I could think was '35.' Again, I wasn't talking myself up. My human mind can't fathom being 35 weeks pregnant; what the heck is that like?

I don't know why, but I resisted being admitted today. I wanted time to think about it and talk to Chris. I don't know what there really is to think about: I know Coy is in the best hands possible, and therefore I have to focus on our other baby. I have to go in. After praying, talking to Chris and my family, I feel it's best to go tomorrow. One last night with my babies for awhile, and one last night in my bed.

(As a side note, our two precious Maltese dogs have both put themselves on bedrest as well. They lie next to me in bed all day long. Very sweet.)

Don't get me wrong, I knew this was coming. I knew from the get-go that I was going on bedrest at 20 weeks. I am not surprised or really even disappointed. I just miss Coy, but I know that this time away from him is only temporary. Just like the storms that rage in our lives or the deserts we walk through, they're only temporary. God will pull you through it, bring you to the other side.

So, in conclusion, please pray for my endurance, Chris's endurance as he becomes Mr. Mom in the evenings and on the weekends, to trust in the Lord, to not to let my mind race with negativity, for God to speak to my doctors and nurses, to give them wisdom. Pray that God has given me '35' as in '35' weeks and not days.

Pray also for our families--they are running this marathon along side us, whether they wanted to or not. We really could not do this without them. We simply could not.

I'll be sure to keep my blog updated. And 'tweet' often (my dad said the other day, 'what is that tweeter thing?' HAHA).

Love you all.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

T-shirts for March of Babies

Hello all!!

The March for Babies is quickly approaching and we need the order the t-shirts asap!! The company we are using is out of state and does shirts for walks all over the country, and they need time to make them. We plan to place an order today, Saturday April 4th, but we will have 2 days to update the number. So, we need to know for sure by Monday April 6th at noon if you would like a t-shirt. The shirts are $15 and a portion of that will go towards the walk. If you are planning on walking we hope that you will get a shirt so we can represent Team Coy. If you are not going to walk you are still welcome to get a t-shirt and/or make a donation in honor of Coy:

*To order a shirt email Mandy at mkolkhorst@gmail with your size and mail or drop off a check for $15 to Kathy Kolkhorst at 14807 Avila Bend Houston, TX 77095

Thanks for all your support!


Friday, April 3, 2009

Coy & Cousin Ryder

Aunt Jenny and Ryder (Coy & Ryder are 16 days apart) come to the house on Wednesday's to help with Coy. She really does a great job taming the two of them. Really, they wear me out and I'll I do is listen to the commotion from my bed.

She took pics of our two ham-bones as they were eating lunch. Notice Coy is still in his PJ's because that's the way he likes it.

It's really a sight when he's getting his diaper or clothes changed. An understatement would to call him 'uncooperative.' I'm not sure there's a word to describe how bad he actually is at getting dressed. So, as long he's happy, we're happy. =)

This is dinner the same day...Aunt Jenny somehow worked a miracle and got him dressed.

On a different note, thanks for all the continued encouragement, thoughts, and prayers. It really humbles me to see how many people are reaching out to us at this time. I know God is so good and He is always here. I have peace and hope that I will manage on bed rest for much longer and baby girl will be born healthy. I really, really do. With Coy's pregnancy, I never had that feeling and just felt like something was off/wrong.

Please continue the prayers! We are so thankful and blessed.

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:3-4

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

one week down...

I can't believe it's been one week since I've officially been placed on bedrest. The time seems to have passed quickly, but slowly at the same time. Besides reading, praying, watching tv, snuggling with Coy and Chris, and eating, I've been just 'hanging' out. I've always been somewhat of a 'homebody,' so being home all the time in my comfy clothes really isn't that out of the norm for me. I had grown even more accustom to it since Coy's arrival and avoiding the public was a must. I must admit, however, when I went to the doctor on Monday, I put on make-up and got dressed for the first time since last Wednesday and it felt good!

I am still having contractions every now and again. They mainly occur in the evenings/at night/ with movement. I continue on oral terbutaline PRN/q6H and drink TONS of fluid. Prior to pregnancy, I was never been a big water consumer; I'd much rather have a diet coke or Starbucks. And that's usually what I drank. But since I've been pregnant, I've taken in more water/Gatorade the past few months then the previous two years of my life. =) Of course, when I was pregnant with Coy, I drank lots and lots of water too. =)

The plan for the remainder of the pregnancy is to take everything week by week, and trust in God that He has a plan for this baby girl, for our family and that everything is in His control. My prayer of recent has been this: that God willing my pregnancy continue to term, but if not, that God prepares my heart and that His will be done. I do not want to live with a spirit of fear, fear of the unknown, fear of painful experiences and bad endings. Fear is from Satan and is the opposite of faith. In Isaiah 41:11, God tell us, "do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

A big lesson I learned with Coy is that hurtful, bad, tragic things do happen to good people who believe in God. Before Coy was born extremely premature, my life was without tragedy, without death, without illness. I thought that God would always protect you from those horrific things if you asked that of Him. However, my growth as a Christian has taught me that God does not always prevent tragedy in your life and does not promise a life without it, but He does promise to walk with you through it; that He will never leave or forsake you. And, that is what brings me more peace right now than praying 'nothing bad' will happen to my baby or I.

Don't get me wrong, I am human, and continue to struggle with doubt and trusting 100% in the Lord. I want to know that I will hold my beautiful baby girl in my arms in 17 weeks. But wow, what a VERY long 17 weeks it will be if I try to control everything that is simply 'out of my control.'

Psalm 112:7
"He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord."