Saturday, April 18, 2009

rainy days

For the past few days the Houston weather has been wet and wild. With the sun taking a vacation, the rain has been pounding the window, the lightning striking in the distance, and the thunder roaring. Usually, I don't mind a few rainy days; I actually enjoy the time to rest and stay inside. But, lately, I have been missing the sunshine; my sunshine.

Recently, like the weather, my emotions have been unpredictable and uncontrollable. Some days I am happy and encouraged, and others, I feel sad, lonely, and isolated. I've never had such mood swings in my life. I know it doesn't help having this magnesium constantly running through my veins (makes me feel groggy), or not having been outside in almost 2 weeks for fresh air. It also doesn't help that I miss my son, husband, and home like crazy.

I know being here is what is necessary (and best!) for Baby Sister, and I truly, am so thankful for it. I am grateful that I am still pregnant, for the nurturing care I am receiving, for all the love and support around me. But, I am not perfect, and don't want to pretend to be. This is hard, and I wasn't ready for it.

I do, however, find so much comfort in knowing the through the storms and turmoil in our lives, Jesus is the light of the world. I find peace in knowing that God's word is alive in me, that God is who He says He is, and can do more than I could ever imagine. I also find rest in knowing that God is here, holding me and baby girl in the palm of his hand.

Will you pray for me to be encouraged and focus on the positive? I don't like feeling uncontrollably emotional or pessimistic. I hate pity parties and complaining, it's not productive or good for the spirit.

Thanks for caring for us like you all have; for following our story and praying for us. We could never fully express how thankful we are.

10 comments:

Mountain Girl said...

Ann Marie,
I started reading your blog when Coy was born. Since I am an early interventionist, I learned alot from your family's story and faith! I have always found you and Chris to be solid in your faith and mature beyond measure! When you announced that you were pregnant, I was so excited for you. I pray that your days will fly by and Baby Sister will arrive healthy and happy at full term! And that you will find ways to fill your days so you won't be bored, lonely and isolated!
Many hugs and prayer!

Allison said...

Pregnancy does crazy things to my emotions for sure...I can't imagine being pregnant AND being stuck in a hospital away from home and on mag. I love that you are real through all of this, the ups and the downs, and even through the bad days, you are still praising Him. Love it. Still praying for you.

Allison

Kel said...

I think it's okay to throw yourself a pity party every now and then. Even though having a baby is something you want, and will do anything for to make sure she is healty, it still totally SUCKs to have to be away from your family and the normalcy of everyday life.
I am 31 weeks into my third pregnancy and can kind of relate to how you are feeling. I have been in and out of the hospital for a kidney stone that doesn't want to resolve. I can especially the isolation part. Having 2 other little ones my husband has to take care of them which means he can't stay up with me at the hospital much. So, I end up feeling kind of isolated and depressed when I'm sitting in that hospital room for too long.
I will pray for you. It sounds like you are doing a good job cooking that baby and are attempting to stay positive in this crappy situaion!

Jason and Shari said...

You have amazing strength. God has you in his arms and know that it is ok to be down every now and again, because he will be there to lift you up. We are praying for you.

Devon said...

praying....

Darla said...

I hope that you will continue to be able to do whatever is needed in order to deliver your baby (Little Sister) safe and sound so you can all be together again at home, living and loving, like G-d intends.

AndreaB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AndreaB said...

Hi:)
This is the first time I have read your blog. Our prayer group had been praying for you & baby Coy when he was still in the hospital last year. You are in our prayers again. I was doing a study this morning and alot of it was on Matthew chapter 18 and just how much Christ cherishes and loves little ones. I felt led to pray for your super natural strength in Him as He knits together your babygirl in your womb. 2 other verses I was reflecting on yesterday to pass the day during slow times at work:
Psalm 139:13 and Nahum 1:7.

You are blessed,
Andrea

~j~ said...

Hi Anne Marie,
I became a follower of your blog days after you gave birth to Coy. I just felt led to check your blog again after a very long time to see that you are in the hospital. I will be praying for you again as you await the birth of your little girl.
The Lord, HE is faithful and you have experienced that with Coy, HE will be glorified again with the birth of your daughter. We serve a mighty and loving God!
love julia
p.s. Coy is so, so,so beautiful. What a darling little boy!

Vickirdh said...

Ann Marie, I can't imagine how hard it must be to be away from your home and your family. And you know your emotions are so much stronger when you're pregnant. I'm so glad that you have your blog and your twittering and some tv shows to help you pass some of the time. Even though it's not fun and not what you wish you could be doing right now, try to enjoy the rest and solitude. Sometimes that's when we are really able to hear the Lord and concentrate on what He is saying and doing in our lives---when we don't have as many distractions. Besides, you KNOW when you get home, your life will be very different from before you entered the hospital. You will be taking care of a little infant girl and a very active little boy! It will be a FUN different---especially because you'll be with Chris, Coy, and Baby Girl. But I doubt you'll get a whole lot of rest and time to yourself. :) So try to enjoy it now. Before you know it, the 4 of you will be together---in your own home---making memories and having fun together. Love, Vicki