Wednesday, May 6, 2009

updates and reflections

Thanks to everyone for your prayers and support. We could not get through this without you and are forever grateful for your love!

I am happy to say I've been 'pain free' the past two days and felt MUCH better. My body is free of Vicodin and my head is un-fogged, whew!

The past two days have brought different concerns, however. Yesterday, while monitoring Baby Sister, her heart rate slowed down some when I had a contraction. I usually monitor twice per day for 30 minutes, but yesterday, I had to stay on the monitor for about half the day. They wanted to watch and make sure she wasn't doing this often, and thankfully, the rest of the day she looked better.

Today, I started having more contractions than usual, and at one point they were 2-3 minutes apart. I had my magnesium turned up to 4mg for an hour and was started on Indocin for 48 hours. Things have definitely slowed down tonight, but I am still contracting every 30 minutes. Please pray that these stop!

Also, it was confirmed that my cervix is indeed shortening with contractions. Basically this means that when pressure is applied to my abdomen during ultrasound, my cervix begins to open from the top. After released, it returns to normal. My doctor said it does look like I have an Incompetent cervix---something that was suspected, but is very hard to diagnose. Pray that my cervix stops shortening, that my cerclage holds tight, that my contractions stop, and that Baby Sister stays put for many, many more weeks.

Praising God for 24 weeks, 1 day!

I don't know why my body 'doesn't like being pregnant' or why pregnancy brings struggles for me, but I do know that God is using this experience to change me. And, for that, I am thankful. When your life goes on 'hold' you have lots of time for prayer and reflection. Laying in bed for the past 6 weeks, 4 of them in the hospital, has made me realize how excruciatingly thankful I am for all the blessings I have. But the scary part is, I've realized how incredibly selfish I have become as well.

I haven't lived like Christ.

I haven't served others unselfishly, I haven't lived on less to give to those who need more. We sponsor a needy child, I pray for others, we tithe at church; I always thought that was 'enough'. I did enough to rationalize that I was a 'giving and serving' person. But truth is, I wasn't. I was wrapped up in my own bubble of life floating around with my own self serving purposes. I am embarrassed and ashamed.

I do know that we will ALL face trials and hardships during this time on Earth; that is a fact. I also know that the world continues moving when you are standing still in the midst of pain and struggle. But I hope to leave here a changed person; a person that stops and stands with those in need. A person that gives of herself until it hurts and does it without hesitation.

Please, God, change me.


Lynne Piper said...

Hi Ann Marie:

Thank you for sharing your thoughts tonight. We are praying for you and that sweet little girl that is growing every day. God already has a plan for her, too, even as little as she is. :)

I pray that you are able to relax and rest, fully trusting in His arms to hold you. Yet, I understand what is at stake, and the stakes are indeed high. Pour out to Him, He will bless you for it.

Your post made me think of a quote from C.S. Lewis that goes, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

So, we are all in the same boat. But because of serious health challenges that my little boy faced, I am a different person towards others in need(now trust me, I still have a LONG way to go!)
but this is the beauty of God's plan.

You will be forever changed because of this, and I know you have and will continue to bless many people.


Lynne Piper

The Silva's said...

Ree, you are such a wonderful person, with such a beautiful heart. God will continure to use you as His light, to shine for others!!
Lots of love and hugs,

Joy said...

Such a great post Ann Marie!

Praying for you and that sweet baby girl! That The Lord would give you a peace that passes all understanding...that you are able to rest under the shadow of His wing!

This verse has served as an encouregment and hope it does you! Also, if you are looking for any great new uplifting music get Kari Jobe...her new CD is my favorite and the words in her songs are amazing!!

"See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; Do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."
Isaiah 43:19

Lanelle Garcia said...

Lifting you up on prayer and asking for God's protection for you and your baby girl. He is so good and He will see you through this "valley". You will sing His praise from the mountain tops and bask in His goodness.
Love In Christ -

I am Trish Marie said...

Oh, girl, trust that you are most definitely changed from all of this. How could you not be? When I get overwhelmed by everything that I (well, really Emmi, I am just a bystander!) have been tested with over the past five years, I remind myself that there must be a purpose. There must be something bigger I am supposed to do with this. Definitely, I am changed. And definitely you are, too.

Amanda Rooney said...

Wow. I so relate to your post right now. I'm currently reading my first John Grisham novel, "The Street Lawyer". Long story short, this wealthy attorney is involved in circumstances that change his outlook on life. He ends up spending HOURS helping in a soup kitchen/shelter in D.C. helping to feed the hungry. In reading this, I came to face the fact that I have never BEEN to a "soup kitchen" much less spend coutless hours serving at one of them. I'm going to make it a point to change that when I return home from my current trip.

Isn't is amazing what God teaches us through our life experiences?!?

I continue to pray for you, baby girl, and Coy. God's blessings, dear one.

Jessica said...

praying for baby sister, your sanity and praising God for 24 weeks!!!

mamama said...

Anne Marie, I got to see Coy and your MIL at TEAM Approach yesterday. How exciting that he's eating better and has surpassed the 20lb mark! He's in great hands with your MIL. :D John and I are praying for you, Chris, Coy, and baby sister.
I feel the same way about hoping that my experience with James has changed me and is continuing to change me. I definitely have had to trust and obey God more.

Kelly Ma

Mountain Girl said...

Anne Marie, I hope you have a really special Mother's Day tomorrow and that Baby Sister is still "in" there and is not thinking about coming out yet! Give Coy a big hug!