Monday, February 4, 2008

peace & praise

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4: 4-7

This is our blog; written with truth and honesty; I cannot apologize for any of my feelings; I am human and like everyone else, I have good days and bad ones; I am VERY grateful for Coy; I am very aware of how blessed we are; I am aware that Coy's life is a miracle; I was there when the doctors told us he would not be born alive and this was "for the best" at 23 weeks gestation. I use this blog as a tool to communicate Coy's journey, but with that comes our healing and hardships, emotions, and thoughts; it is honest, regardless if you feel my feelings are right, wrong, or indifferent. My heart ACHES for those who cannot have children, for those who have lost a child/grandchild; I have NO idea of the heartache you have felt; I can not even begin to imagine what you have been through; I can only pray for God's peace to fill your spirit & comfort your soul. However, I do know what it is like having a child in intensive care for 9 weeks ongoing; I can speak for those who have had a child on the brink of life or death, each day passed a VICTORY, each new day to come a BATTLE. I am very thankful, very grateful for these past 9 weeks, but there is a greiving process that comes with the rollarcoaster ride as well; no one wants to see their child ill, on life support, to stand by each day and feel so helpless; my heart soars with each good day and it trembles in fear with the bad ones; Coy has had a string of exceptionally wonderful days, however we are no where near "out of the woods." He has a long way to go; we have a long way to go; and like everyone knows, in this life, there are no guarantees.

So, Coy had another AWESOME day! I was very excited to get to the hospital to find his oxygen on 28%! Each day, his oxygen requirement has slowly been decreased (he was btw 25-40% today)....his nurse said he was at 25% for 1 full hour! (we breathe 21% O2 which is room air...) They decided to wean down his albuterol treatments to every 6 hours; later this week they will start weaning the CPAP...(he is on a CPAP of 8, we need to get to 4)...Please continue to pray for Coy's lungs to be strengthened and matured each new day; pray for his oxygen requirement to be minimal!

His feedings have been going well...he is tolerating all of them! 23 cc every 3 hours! He was very cute today; I know I say this everyday, but he LOVES his pacifier; he chomps on it while his milk is going into his tummy...this to me is a good sign! Babies don't receive the "suck, swallow, breathe" reflex until about 34-35 wks in utero, so many preemies have issues with bottle soon as Coy is on the nasal cannula (after the CPAP is weaned), we can try bottle feeds/ breastfeeds...please pray that once we can start, Coy will take the bottle...pray for him to continue to tolerate his feedings...

Coy will have another eye exam this Wednesday by the famous Dr. Hittner; please continue to pray against ROP; pray for his vision to be complete & perfect!

Again, we are so grateful for all the love, support, care, and concern over Coy, Chris, & I. Thank you for uplifting us in prayer; for sharing your stories, heartaches, and encouraging words. I cannot even begin to express our gratitude.


Ann Glowacki said...

Such beautiful words, Ann Marie... and such a beautiful boy! Keep up the amazing progress, Coy!

Lots of hugs,
Ann, Shawn, and Jaxson

Rachel said...

You have such a gift for writing AnneMarie, everything you have written has been well said...gracefully said...and quite eloquent. Coys life has been a ministry from the very beginning and you have no reason to have to defend yourself.

Keep up the wonderful ministry on good days and not so good days. You have no idea how your blog encourages me on the days I think our adoption will NEVER go through. You have blessed me so...

Continued prayers for you and your sweet family.

Destini said...

I found your blog through CF Husband's blog. I added you to my list simply so that I may pray for you and your family. I know that each day must be a struggle for you and your husband. What is supposed to be the most joyous time in life has been mixed with a rollercoaster ride of ups, downs, twists and turns. You do not need to defend your feelings. Feeling flat out lousy does not seperate you from your heavenly father. Even Jacob wrestled with God. Jesus himself wept in agony. Laugh when you feel like laughing and cry when you feel like crying, God will understand and provide you with the peace that surpasses all understanding. Again, I pray for your beautiful family that God would bring healing to all of you...

Anonymous said...

Hello Ann Marie; I don't know if you remember me or not but I work for PHI for your Uncle Skip and you were just here for a few weeks when I started. I want you to know that I have been keeping up with you your blog and having been praying for you and your family everyday. I wanted to let you know that I appreciate the words you wrote at the beginning of this
entry. I know what exactly you are going through; my eldest child is in his 3rd year of brain cancer with a very uncertain outlook of what will come about. And I understand your anger and your doubt in your faith because I go through it everyday as well. Sometimes we are going to have good days and others we will just be very angry and just want to know why. But just remember to keep your faith and remember that God has givin us a very precious gift and he only gives these gifts to us because he knows we have a lot of faith and will do what is best for them. Your are very privledged to have Coy just as I am to have Jake. May God bless you and keep you.

Sunnie Hall

Anonymous said...

I am hooked reading the progress of baby coy and am shocked at his progress. I cannot believe what a miracle he is. How he keeps getting stronger, what a fighter! Its good you have this blog so when he grows up he can read about the challenges he overcame at only 2 months old! I cannot ever understand what you are going through. How hard it must be! It is obvious how you write what a good mother you are and will be. I look forward to the day when I can read that you brought your miracle baby home!

Anonymous said...

Ann Marie,

I am one of those childless women and I THANK YOU for acknowledging "us." I thank you for your mercy and grace, but also for sharing your adorable miracle baby with us. I also thank you that you are human and have feelings that you share with us! I cannot imagine the anxiety, fear, joy, and disappointment on the road that you are on. I do pray for you, your husband and Coy that you will all be home one day and be able to experience life in your own environment! I also thank you for your trust and faith in God (I don't feel like I have much right now!) and then I look at Coy with his bright little eyes looking at his Mama, and realize there is a God!

Sincerely, a friend

Anonymous said...

Ann Marie, Coy is so beautiful. He is an amazing little miracle. Thank you for sharing his story, his life with all of us. Your family is ministering in ways you may never know.

Julie Stanfill

Beth said...

After having caught up on the last few entries I am even more in awe of you, Ann Marie & Chris. Your strength is amazing, but your ability to admit to your humanity...your doubts, worries and truly heartening! Our world is a broken one - but He is always there and willing to carry us through our times of trial. We never ask for the trials, but they are part of who we are and who we become. I have more than a few times that I asked "why?" and wondered the "what if's?" but in then end I know that He has a plan. I may not understand it and it has often left me frustrated, angry or heartbroken. But in the end I know that I am loved - shortcomings and all - and then I DO see the joyful, uplifting, beautiful times far outnumber my dark days.

Sweet Coy and all who love him remain in my prayers each day! Not long ago we were praying for extubation and now there is talk of weaning from the CPAP - amazing! His pictures are positively precious - those sweet little eyes bring a smile to my face. Thank you, again, for opening your hearts and letting others share in your journey. God bless and keep you all!

Anonymous said...

i am lifting up your sweet boy daily! thanks you for pooring your heart out in your blogs. it has made me more aware of the struggles preemie families face and how i can minister to them. keep fighting little one...coy, you have stollen my heart.

Kim ~ "Mama G" said...

Ann Marie,
You may remember me (Stephanie Vandagriff's mom) from high school cheerleading! I try to check out the blog everyday and PRAY for you guys every constantly. I have wanted to comment before and just PRAISE God with you for all HE has done and is doing. This time after reading your blog I was compelled to comment. First of all, not only has the Lord entrusted Precious Coy to you but also a ministry that blows me away. You can't imagine what your blog does for so many. I have forwarded it to quite a few people to add you guys to their prayer lists and the stories I am hearing are incredible. You are ministering in ways beyond your comprehension. Keep up the faith. Continue to stay right before the FATHER! I am so proud of you and Chris. I know it is tough. BUT, just think of the testimony in writing you will share with that sweet boy when he is older. The legacy you are building right now for your son is truly a BLESSING and so incredible. Know I along with so many will continue to lift your family before the Father. Kim Gannon

Jenny said...

I love the picture in his little outfits, he is a doll!

Anonymous said...

Ann Marie,
I am so Thankful for you honesty. The Psalms are full of honest cries out to God in anger in pain in confusion. Jesus gives you the freedom to struggle and I am glad you are doing that. I know people will always want you to be positive and thankful, but you are a human being, a fallen one, that is being honest, and that IS God-glorifying. Thanks for sharing Coy's life with us. I know that is probably hard too.
thinking of you in KY

Anonymous said...


God has a positive answer:


You say: 'It's impossible' God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)

You say: 'I'm tired' God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: 'I can't go on' God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: 'I can't figure things out' God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5- 6)

You say: 'I can't do it' God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)

You say: 'I'm not able' God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: 'I can't forgive myself' God says: I Forgive you (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: 'I can't manage' God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)

You say: 'I'm afraid' God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)

You say: 'I'm always worried and frustrated' God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)

You say: 'I'm not smart enough' God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: 'I feel all alone' God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)

Anonymous said...

I am praying for both of you and your sweet boy. I know how hard the "long haul" of the NICU can be - I gave birth to a 26 weeker last summer. She is now 7 months old and quite healthy, thanks to God and the power of prayer. I pray that God brings baby Coy health and that he brings comfort to his parents who also have endured so much. God bless you.

Esperanza said...

You are such a honest, wonderful and strong woman... I really admire you... Chris and Coy are very fortunate to have you... I hope you feel better expressing your emotions... I know you most feel better... Remember... either way you are already an inspiration for many people...
God bless your heart and we keep Coy in our prayers all the time...
Esperanza Orlando & Liam Penaloza