Thursday, June 12, 2008

eye update and more

We saw Dr. Hittner today for a 3 week check up....she said all looks good for now! We will see her back in one month. Coy is so alert these days. He looks at things/people/lights/etc. His eyes were dilated and he was lying on the exam table and when Dr. Hittner was standing over him ready for his exam, he arched his head back and starred her down. He really HATES having his eyes examined. I don't blame him. I think she would have to sedate me if she was doing it to me. Coy is so tough, he's our little fighter. Every time we're in Dr. Hittner's office, my anxiety shoots through the roof. I almost literally stop breathing while I wait for her report. She doesn't talk when she looks at his eyes, sometimes she takes a few minutes (feels like forever to me!) and other times she's quick. She is an amazing doctor; we are so thankful for her! Coy definitely has sight, we are so blessed!

Coy had his 6 month immunizations on Tuesday. He was not too happy about it. He had three shots and held his breath through them all, then let out a horrendous cry. It broke my heart. He settled back down and slept on the way home. (side note...he is now 11 lbs 2 oz and sleeping 7-8 hours per night, every night!)

notice the bandaids on both legs...=(

who me?
Since y'all love cloth diapers too....

I am using a brand called Fuzzi Bunz. They are so soft and very cute! I didn't know anything about them until my SIL (sis-in-law) Jenny (Ryder's mom) used them with our nephew. I have about 20 and wash them about twice per week. It is really very easy & not gross at all! (I am a nurse, I am use to poop!) But really, they all come clean every time, nothing is left over anywhere. Jenny is a CPA and great with money/numbers (I AM NOT!) and she figured out they will save money over time (I forget the exact amount, but it was substantial, again I am NOT good with numbers--or at least that's what I tell my husband after shopping..."um, I'm not sure how much I spent honey" okay just kidding...somewhat). They are also fun to match to his clothes....hey, it's fun to me.

I also have some very exciting news to baby sister (she's not really a baby anymore at 25) and her husband are expecting a baby (girl--my feeling, too early to tell though) in January 2009. My selfish self was pretty torn with this news when I first heard about a month ago. Before you judge me, hear me out...I knew I had some deep seeded issues with pregnancy after delivering Coy so early, but did not realize how fresh my wounds still were. I thought I had moved on, healed, home, happy, all those things. But when I heard she was preggers, I literally thought "Why now God? I thought I had more time." My immature being wasn't ready to move on yet from my hurt....but with a lot of praying, God is truly healing me. Many of you are probably confused and thinking, "what does she have to mourn? she has a baby..." I guess you can't really go there unless you've given birth a little over half way into your pregnancy, and then you would probably get it. My mourning was more of a guilt, a feeling that I was a failure because my body failed and my precious son suffered the consequences. I could not keep him safely tucked away inside me; I could not keep him from harm or pain. I am happy to say, I am healed, healing, and whole with the pregnancy issues. I know that there is NOTHING I could have done to prevent his birth, it wasn't my fault. My rational brain knows this, and my emotional heart is still learning this. I am more excited than ever to have another cousin for Coy and love my sister to pieces. She will be an amazing mother and her husband, Chase, will be a devoted father. They are so ecstatic and it is just awesome to witness. Please pray for my sister, Stephanie, for her to have a completely healthy, full term, baby in January. Her OBGYN is aware of what happened with me, and is watching her extra closely (not that having a preemie is necessarily genetic or anything, more for the reassurance) and so far, everything looks great (with her baby girl =). )

...that being said, I would not want Coy any other way than he is. Prematurity issues and all. He's amazing & perfect. The love of my life. I cannot sit here and think "why me?" in a negative context anymore; I sit here now thinking "why me?" because I am blown away at how I am so blessed. I thank God each and every day for the very breath He gives me, my husband, and son. I thank Him for bringing the rain, bring the storm, and finally the rainbow. He is the Almighty Healer.

....we also need prayers for another S-I-L, Sara. She is married to my brother, Thomas, and they recently welcomed twins, Macey & Thomas, in January. Since giving birth, my SIL hasn't felt like herself. She went to the doctor but they couldn't figure out what was wrong. Recently, it was discovered that she has a tumor on her pituitary gland in her brain. The doctors are thinking that this tumor is NOT cancerous (Thank you God!) but it still needs to be removed. They are also testing her for Cushings Disease. She is in the process of seeing specialists to decide the plan of care, which type of surgery, when to do surgery, etc. Please keep her and my brother in your thoughts and prayers!

We are so thankful for all your devoted fellowship. We love you all.

"For by Him, all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers- or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him." Colossians 1:16


susan said...

I read your blog a lot and follow how Coy is doing. My daughter in law gave birth in November and her twins, a boy and a girl, died within days the little girl having been given a 90 per cent chance. I am so thankful that Coy is doing so well it is wonderful.
The reason I am writing is to tell you that I know someone who had the same thing as your sister in law and it was removed very successfully and she had been an overweight individual and lost a lot of weight and has become so healthy. Hopefully your sister in law will come out as successfully.

Anonymous said...

I love reading about do an amazing job!
As far as your guilt, please know that God has put you and your baby in so many lives for a reason. I am currently 8 months pregnant. A few months ago, my husband was out of town and I had pain in my abdomen that lasted for over 12 hours. I didn't want to overreact by going to the MD or calling my husband and creating “unnecessary” panic. Your story convinced me to go to the MD, then to the ER to confirm all was ok. Thankfully, it was. I have learned so much from you and your family. I may have ignored something serious before Coy’s story. Thank you for giving me the strength and knowledge to make the right choice.

The Hulett Family said...

I am so happy that Coy is doing well and continuing to thrive. It really makes my day to read a new post on your blog and see that Coy is changing everyday. Before your story I guess you could say I took for granted having healthy children. I had easy pregnancies and even tho they were tiny when born, they were overall healthy and happy. I never really thought twice about it being any different, because like most people I thought "it can't/won't happen to me" but now I realize it can happen to anyone. I hug my boys a little tighter, kiss them a little more often and watch them sleep just because I can, knowing they are safe and out of harms way. You, Chris and baby Coy have really changed the way I look at my life, my blessings and obstacles and most importantly, my faith. I thank you for changing me. For helping me see that at any moment things can change and I need to be cherish every second I have with my kiddos.

On another note, I am SOOOO excited and happy for Stephanie. What a wonderful mom she will be, just like yourself. It's still crazy for me to think that all of us, who danced together so many years ago, are old enough to be married with babies. Where did the time go? Keep praying and holding on. The healing will happen, in time, as I'm sure you know. We still pray for you all everyday and now I will add the emotional healing to my list of prayers for you. =)

Kristen & Vincenzo said...

After searching the internet looking for answers, I came upon your blog. I read it from beginning to end and cried my eyes out. My son, Dante was born at 24 weeks and I felt like I was reading his story all over agin through your child. I developed pre-eclampsia and thru emergency c-section Dante was born weighing in at 1 lb. 9 oz. I thank you for sharing your story, knowing that children do pull through is truly a miracle we have seen. I have read the blog from the beginning and continue. Dante is now almost 6 months old, weighs 9 lbs. 7 oz., we saw the pulmonologist today who says we can begin to wean his oxygen, his ROP has settled, and he doesn't need glasses yet.

I too feel jealous of pregnant women, knowing that I didn't get the full effect of being pregnant, wishing there was something different I could have done, but there wasn't. But then again, I look into my sons beautiful face and I would not change anything that has happened to us these past months.

Thank you for your inspiration. Feel free to contact me @

redburns said...

Hey! I graduated from Texas State with Stephanie and I am so excited for them!! And you too; there will be so many things that you will be able to help her with throughout her pregnancy and truly be the "big sister". I am praying for the entire family now! Thanks for keeping us updated on Coy's progress, I look forward to each post!

~Heather R.

Oh, and the cloth diapers are adorable!!

The Silva's said...

We will be praying for Stephanie, and Sara, along with the rest of your family.

John & Kelly said...

I will be praying for both of your sisters (sis in law). Your words are encouraging to me - and only probably only you know just how much - thank you for sharing. I never thought it would be this tough but you are right - worth it! I can't wait to see you guys again!


Kelly said...

Yor feelings about your sister's pregnancy are very normal. You are grieving a loss - the loss of being a mom to a full term baby and all of those special moments that you missed. My son, now almost 3, was a 26 weeker and I still feel a twinge of sadness when I see pregnant women or new moms experiencing all that I missed out on. It does get easier.

Melissa said...

I thank you for being so honest to share the ups and downs everyone's feelings go through at times. You are such a strong, spiritual woman, Ree. Your spiritual maturity continues to show through in your words and are such a great example to us all.

Of course I will be praying for your entire family!

Take care,

I am Trish Marie said...

It does get easier. But I have to tell you...that feeling, never completely goes away. I know you will always be happy for other people's blessings. But it will still hurt. Trust me. Everytime one of my friends has a healthy baby, I am relieved and happy, but jealous and resentful all at the same time. It is something you never can completely get over. Even now, as Emmi is doing quite well, it is hard for me to see. Even though my own oldest child is perfectly healthy!