updates and reflections

Thanks to everyone for your prayers and support. We could not get through this without you and are forever grateful for your love!

I am happy to say I've been 'pain free' the past two days and felt MUCH better. My body is free of Vicodin and my head is un-fogged, whew!

The past two days have brought different concerns, however. Yesterday, while monitoring Baby Sister, her heart rate slowed down some when I had a contraction. I usually monitor twice per day for 30 minutes, but yesterday, I had to stay on the monitor for about half the day. They wanted to watch and make sure she wasn't doing this often, and thankfully, the rest of the day she looked better.

Today, I started having more contractions than usual, and at one point they were 2-3 minutes apart. I had my magnesium turned up to 4mg for an hour and was started on Indocin for 48 hours. Things have definitely slowed down tonight, but I am still contracting every 30 minutes. Please pray that these stop!

Also, it was confirmed that my cervix is indeed shortening with contractions. Basically this means that when pressure is applied to my abdomen during ultrasound, my cervix begins to open from the top. After released, it returns to normal. My doctor said it does look like I have an Incompetent cervix---something that was suspected, but is very hard to diagnose. Pray that my cervix stops shortening, that my cerclage holds tight, that my contractions stop, and that Baby Sister stays put for many, many more weeks.

Praising God for 24 weeks, 1 day!

I don't know why my body 'doesn't like being pregnant' or why pregnancy brings struggles for me, but I do know that God is using this experience to change me. And, for that, I am thankful. When your life goes on 'hold' you have lots of time for prayer and reflection. Laying in bed for the past 6 weeks, 4 of them in the hospital, has made me realize how excruciatingly thankful I am for all the blessings I have. But the scary part is, I've realized how incredibly selfish I have become as well.

I haven't lived like Christ.

I haven't served others unselfishly, I haven't lived on less to give to those who need more. We sponsor a needy child, I pray for others, we tithe at church; I always thought that was 'enough'. I did enough to rationalize that I was a 'giving and serving' person. But truth is, I wasn't. I was wrapped up in my own bubble of life floating around with my own self serving purposes. I am embarrassed and ashamed.

I do know that we will ALL face trials and hardships during this time on Earth; that is a fact. I also know that the world continues moving when you are standing still in the midst of pain and struggle. But I hope to leave here a changed person; a person that stops and stands with those in need. A person that gives of herself until it hurts and does it without hesitation.

Please, God, change me.