frustrated and sleep deprived

(this post may sound negative...I am not meaning it to be...just very tired......)

"But I call to God, and the Lord saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice." Psalm 55: 16-17

So, we started Coy on reflux meds on Friday evening (Zantac and Reglan) and have seen a great improvement during feedings! He no longer is arching his back or retching in pain; he's even had minimal spit up as well (the medications do not prevent him from spitting up; the Reglan empties his stomach faster (so he is not spitting up hours after eating) and the Zantac treats the heartburn feeling that he is having). With that said, we are now having problems getting the medications in him! For the past two days, he is now choking on the medications and having having bradys! I am doing all I can to disguise the taste, even breaking up the medications so he only takes one per feeding (he's suppose to take both medications 3 times daily 30 minutes prior to feeding)....Now, we have a catch 22--which is worse, the reflux? or the choking on meds which he aspirates which can cause pneumonia? We had a visit to the pediatrician today and she seems to think it will all be "just fine." She told me to stop "worrying so much and just relax." Okay, that's impossible. (keep reading, you will see why...)

I did not blog about this Friday, but on last Thursday night, we had quite a scare with Coy. I put him down in his cradle (at an angle on his right side, never flat!) 2.5 hours after feeding him last and was about to get in the bath. The next thing I know, his apnea monitor is alarming "low heart rate"--Coy had vomited and was choking on it. His eyes were bulging out and he was not breathing (he was not blue yet, but on his way there); the nurse in me suddenly took over and I was shouting orders to Chris. I flipped him over and beat on his back, suctioned him out, and turned up the oxygen. It took him an hour to recover with his saturation---I left him up at close to 1/4L for a good hour. We were both shaken up over this--I mean, I held him for 2.5 hours after he ate last! He was to eat again in 30 minutes! So, I did explain all this to the doctor last Friday--she agreed with me and prescribed the reflux meds.

So since this happened, I have not been able to sleep at night! I have awakened before and found his monitor had alarmed apnea and I did not hear it! So, my fear is that if both Chris & I are asleep, we wont hear the monitor if this happens again. And I know, we can not continue on this schedule; I am literally holding him 22 of 24 hours a day. My poor husband is so tired in the mornings and I am a zombie all the time. So, as the title says, I am frustrated and sleep deprived.

He has been eating much better with the medications and the spit up has been minimal. I am hopeful that we are on our way to more sleep. But still fearful of this happening again. And fearful of the aspirating--I just flash back to the time he was in the NICU with pneumonia and was maxed out on the ventilator!

Please pray for all three of us! Pray that the medications work quickly and that Coy takes them without choking! Pray for me to "not worry" and "to relax."

Now, some POSITIVE news...Coy had another check up today with his regular pediatrician; he weighed in at 6lb4oz & was 19 inch long! Such a big boy (to us anyway)! He received his 4 month immunizations and took them like a champ. However, now he is alittle bit fussy....(gave him some Tylenol...)

And, his saturations have been great--mid to high 90s--even without his oxygen in. I have been watching him closely since Thursday night; he is not breathing harder or having any retractions. He's breathing great, which is a good sign. And he is still eating well most of the time.

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers! We are so appreciative! And so thankful for all your good advice!