Hope

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

Sometimes it is so hard to believe that everything is under control--so hard to believe God has a plan for your life like he does for all the other billion people on the planet. But he does have a plan; he does love you; he is in control; you have to have FAITH in what you can not see!

I went through a stage of anger after Coy was born--I was angry that all the mothers around me had healthy babies; angry when I saw pregnant women in public; angry that I was cheated out of a happy pregnancy. That grief stage eventually passed; then came the hurt, confusion, jealously even. Today I feel like the luckiest girl on earth; I have a beautiful baby boy. I have a baby that has defied the odds, that has persevered through 5 weeks of life; a baby that is so full of life. How could I ever have felt cheated?? Robbed of something that really wasn't "mine"? Everything we have is God's; our houses, cars, clothes, money, etc; everything. God has blessed us; allowed us to "borrow" his child for this life on earth; and I feel completely honored that he would trust me as Coy's mom.

Today Coy was looking "puffy" again--however he has been urinating; even had great output yesterday and had some really wet diapers today. They started him on diuretics (HCTZ & aldactone) for his "Chronic Lung Disease" and pulmonary edema---the nurse practitioner even said the words "he will probably go home on these medications". Chris and I and Grandpa & Grandma Kolkhorst have all noticed the doctors/ NP saying the words "going home" when describing certain situations---for instance they say Coy may "go home" on oxygen; before this past week, we've never heard the words "going home"--they wouldn't even give you hope for tomorrow, much less "home"
Anyway--he was started on diuretics and he has seemed to respond well to them; he has a chest xray every monday, wednesday, friday--pray with us that his xray on Wednesday looks better; that Coy is able to excrete the fluid on his lungs and breathe easier...

So now that Coy is getting bigger (he weighed in at 2lb 2oz last night---some of it is fluid so dont get too excited) his ET (endotracheal) tube is too small; meaning there is an air leak and some of the air "escapes"--his leak is evaluated by the ventilator and can go from 0% to 100% in a matter of seconds--of course when Coy is not getting enough O2, he desats (his blood oxygen level drops)....there is nothing they can do about the leak right now---the next size ET tube is for babies at least 1500 grams; Coy is only about 900 grams---so it takes lots of patience and manipulating from the nurses to get the leak as minimal as possible; please pray for Coy's oxygen levels to stabilize; for his blood gases to improve; for the patience and endurance of the awesome nurses

We need prayers tonight/today for:

• God to mature and heal Coy's lungs; for the fluid to be removed so Coy can breathe easier
• that Coy's gut will continue to mature and digest all his breast milk (he's now at 8cc!!)
• that Coy's urine output will be enough to reduce the swelling on his little body
• that Coy will depend less on the ventilator and be able to breathe on his own
• that Coy remains infection free and his IV can be taken out soon!
• that Coy will have total healing of his eyes, hearing, brain, kidneys, heart, GI tract
• that the nurses and doctors will be well rested and ready to handle the stresses of their job

thanks to all!